I’ve written a lot about transportation in Malawi. But somehow I’ve managed to skip over the subject’s crowning jewel – the mini bus.
So you’re at the circus, right, and all the cooler main attractions, like the acrobats and the lions, are outside the Big Top setting up or changing costumes. So to distract you, a bunch of painted weirdos cram into a too-small car and drive into the center ring to do stupid things, like fall over. At some point they’ll invariably pull a Chinese fire drill stunt and all get out and swap seats. One will probably be left out or get his foot slammed in the door in the process. These clowns and their clown cars are never funny and always uncomfortable to the observer. It probably isn’t much fun being a clown crammed into a too-small car either. Where are the damn acrobats already?!
I don’t know of any acrobats in Malawi, and I’ve heard tell there are lions, but I’ve yet to see them. Clown cars, however, are plentiful. The mini bus is just a falling-apart van with benches. It is the most reliable form of transportation in this country. Well, reliable isn’t the right word. There are a lot of them and often they’re the only type of transportation running that will actually pick you up and take you at least near where you need to go. But usually they are packed to bursting point. Sometimes they can’t even close the door, it’s so packed. Old ladies have to scramble over humans to squeeze themselves into a seat, often the only spot available is on top of a massive basket of usipa, babies are sitting on babies, three people are squished into the coveted front passenger seat. And there is always room for one more. Once someone gets to their stop, the door opens and the mini bus oozes out passengers to allow that person’s singular ejection. It oozes more people than you thought could possibly be held in one vehicle. It just keeps coming. Like the pus squeezed from a pimple. Until the person, who was undoubtedly sitting in the last possible row, can twist, stretch, and scale over the people, katundu and benches to the exit. Maybe there ARE acrobats in Malawi.
Then it’s onto the Chinese fire drill portion of the act. As the passengers reenter the mini bus they are reallocated to seats to allow as much space as possible to fit in yet more passengers. The front moves to the back and the back squeezes closer to the windows. People use this opportunity to change seating neighbors and reunite families who were split up in the initial cram. Feet are stepped on, heads are elbowed, doors slam, and horns honk. However, no one is left out, that is blasphemy, and a loss of transport fare for the driver. And to complete this circus that is Malawian public transportation, the driver will then drive like a clown.
So you’re at the circus, right, and all the cooler main attractions, like the acrobats and the lions, are outside the Big Top setting up or changing costumes. So to distract you, a bunch of painted weirdos cram into a too-small car and drive into the center ring to do stupid things, like fall over. At some point they’ll invariably pull a Chinese fire drill stunt and all get out and swap seats. One will probably be left out or get his foot slammed in the door in the process. These clowns and their clown cars are never funny and always uncomfortable to the observer. It probably isn’t much fun being a clown crammed into a too-small car either. Where are the damn acrobats already?!
I don’t know of any acrobats in Malawi, and I’ve heard tell there are lions, but I’ve yet to see them. Clown cars, however, are plentiful. The mini bus is just a falling-apart van with benches. It is the most reliable form of transportation in this country. Well, reliable isn’t the right word. There are a lot of them and often they’re the only type of transportation running that will actually pick you up and take you at least near where you need to go. But usually they are packed to bursting point. Sometimes they can’t even close the door, it’s so packed. Old ladies have to scramble over humans to squeeze themselves into a seat, often the only spot available is on top of a massive basket of usipa, babies are sitting on babies, three people are squished into the coveted front passenger seat. And there is always room for one more. Once someone gets to their stop, the door opens and the mini bus oozes out passengers to allow that person’s singular ejection. It oozes more people than you thought could possibly be held in one vehicle. It just keeps coming. Like the pus squeezed from a pimple. Until the person, who was undoubtedly sitting in the last possible row, can twist, stretch, and scale over the people, katundu and benches to the exit. Maybe there ARE acrobats in Malawi.
Then it’s onto the Chinese fire drill portion of the act. As the passengers reenter the mini bus they are reallocated to seats to allow as much space as possible to fit in yet more passengers. The front moves to the back and the back squeezes closer to the windows. People use this opportunity to change seating neighbors and reunite families who were split up in the initial cram. Feet are stepped on, heads are elbowed, doors slam, and horns honk. However, no one is left out, that is blasphemy, and a loss of transport fare for the driver. And to complete this circus that is Malawian public transportation, the driver will then drive like a clown.
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