Names Everyone Can Pronounce

So, my name is Stacey. That’s a name that starts with a hard S, has a difficult vowel sound in the middle, which then takes a diving leap into yet another S, and ends sliding uncontrollably headfirst into more uncompletable vowels. Mom and Dad had no idea that these two little syllables would have such disastrous results outside of America. To Spanish teachers in high school, I was never Stacey, always Estacey, or Estacia. India, my Tibetan host family called me Taxi. Here in Malawi, my name is so warped in so many different ways it doesn’t even resemble my name any more. The little kids call me Stacia, which is my favorite, and least warped. Others call me Stace, either because the last syllable of most words are cut off in general or they’re garbling the end of the name and hoping I don’t notice. The ones I get most commonly, and I have no idea how, are Stancy and Stracy. Sometimes Strancy. Often Stantzy, with hard emphasis on the second T. Where did you get that?! Why did you put an N in there? It makes no sense even in your own language! Whenever anyone tries to spell my name they will undoubtedly stick in an N or two. Also, I find the word Stancy horribly grating. And it tastes ugly in your mouth. Go ahead, try to say it to yourself without wincing.

Robert’s gotten some funny warps too. Robati, Lobert, Tablet (my personal favorite). Once he got Lablah. Haha! Still makes me laugh. Renee is Rini in her village. Katie Shae is Kity. I don’t even know what they call Clarissa. She has L’s AND R’s in her name. That’s like name death. Ross is Loss, last name Childs. Loss Child, in Malawian. Doug is dog, luckily that works for him, since he’s a dog. Kathi gave up and just goes by Anya Banda, a Malawian name given to her the day she got to site. I wonder if there’s a name out there which everybody can pronounce equally well. It would have to have no L’s, no R’s, no S or J at the beginning (J often becomes Y in some places), few vowels. Kinda limits us to single syllabic generic names. Ben probably works. Maybe Kate or Matt. Any ideas? I’m already thinking my future unborn kids are gonna require more adaptable names, just in case they find themselves outside of the U.S. as often as I do.

Group Presentations

So while I was off flouncing around in Europe with the family, I didn’t want to leave my Form 3 students with nothing to do in Biology. Math was easy to get a substitute for, but nobody teaches Biology as well as I do…considering I’m the only one who understands high school Biology in the school. So I gave the class their first group project, to be completed while I was away. Each group was responsible for presenting on a common disease afflicting Malawi. On top of lecturing the class, they had to present a drama, or skit, about their disease, which Malawians are all about. They LOVE their dramas. LOVE them. They will perform a drama about literally anything. I once saw a drama performed about natural medicine. Nothing specific, just the concept of natural medicine. In it, there was a man playing dead, a rock star, a traditional healer, and a hysterical woman. I didn’t really get it. Anyway, my kids’ dramas were hilarious! I shoulda filmed them. In the Malaria drama, one kid’s only role was to play a mosquito. He buzzed around and poked people. In the Polio drama one kid played a virus, he wiggled around the room and infected people by tickling them. In the AIDS drama, everyone died. The AIDS group actually took the cake with a condom demonstration, complete with a wooden penis model and a discussion about breaking up with bad boyfriends who refuse to use condoms. Way to go, Form 3!

EuroTrip

I accidentally deleted this post from my flash drive before coming to internet. More to come. But know that I had an unbelievable First World adventure with my family in May. And that Denmark is the second best place in the world, after San Diego. And that the Kenya International Airport blows. Hug your parents.

My Kitten, the Huntress

Kitty caught her first mouse today. I actually think it was already dead, as it is about the same size as the cat, who can’t lift it completely off the ground and has to drag it. But at least the damn thing is clear of my kitchen, its former living quarters. I sure am proud of her! Between this mouse and all the bugs she demolishes daily, she’s definitely earning her keep. She’s currently happily disemboweling the rodent under the couch. She’s making her nom nom noises loudly and growling at the dog, who wants in on the action but is now too big to fit under the couch.

I’m making the situation sound a lot more in control than it really is. Initially she wanted to perform the procedure in my room, which is a giant mess of stuff in various stages of unpacking from my trip to Mozambique. But no no, I put an end to that by freaking out, jumping on my bed screaming, and throwing whatever I could at the tiny carnivore. She got the picture and relocated. Since then, I try to touch the ground with my feet a little as possible, jumping from one piece of furniture to another. It’s funny, I’ve been living in Africa over a year now. In my house I’ve met cobras, moths bigger than my head, bats, lizards, massive ants, giant stinging flying insects, cockroaches, spiders the size of dinner plates, wormy things with a gagillion legs, the occasional scorpion. But it’s still the damn mice that get me. So, now it’s under the couch, which is really just a bed in my living room. What am I gonna do with a partially eaten mouse in a hard to reach place? I really don’t want to think about it… I wonder if making the neighborhood kids dispose of a brutally murdered animal with their bare hands is considered child abuse.

Update: Doug has squeezed himself in to (hopefully) act as garbage can, his secondary role to safety and security officer. After numerous attempts on my part to discourage her, Kitty has taken up residence on my lap to purr and clean herself. Gross. Cats aren’t clean. They’re covered in cat spit.

In other animal-related news, Robert got home from Mozambique to learn that a huge fat python-like snake was living in his chimbuzi (outhouse). Everyone in his village was too scared to attempt to kill it, so they burned his chim down.

Twenty-four

It’s not just the number of hours in a day or the name of the hit action/drama television
show, it’s my new age! Twenty-four years old today. Also, its tax day, so be sure to get
those in. I was planning to spend today with friends in Mzuzu and then go dive at Kande, but with Bingu’s body flying back from South Africa travel plans got derailed. Peace Corps has put us all under house arrest, just in case Malawi spontaneously combusts during the former president’s funeral. So instead, I’m home with my four-legged family, cleaning the house and preparing for the new school term, which starts tomorrow. We are happily curled up together on the couch sharing crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. They LOVE Easy Cheese.

In case you’re wondering, 24 feels a lot like 23, which felt a lot like 22. I wonder when it starts feeling like anything else. Not that I’m super anxious to find out. I’m good ending the aging process in my early twenties. Usually on my birthday I’ll send my mom a little something. I think people’s birthdays should really about the mommies. They’re the ones who really have something to celebrate and be recognized for. It’s the anniversary of them being in labor for hours, popping out a bowling ball, and then being responsible for whatever comes out. They’re the ones who did the birthing and the years of raising. 24 years ago (and for many subsequent years) I didn’t really contribute much. Last year I was able to get flowers delivered to Mom’s office with love from Africa. This year, Bingu died, so, thanks a lot, Bingu. Happy day of birthing, Mom! I appreciate it!

That being said, shout out to Katie, Heather, and Blinn Rider for the birthday package. Thanks so much!!! I’ve been nom’ing on the candy all day. Once the neighborhood kids figured out how to unwrap the butterscotch candies they were nom’ing too. Initially they were just sticking them straight in their mouths, looking at each other with confusion. “Does this taste like plastic to you? It tastes like plastic to me.” Adorable. The cat and dog have traded each other the toys you sent them. Doug is scared shitless of the squeaky stuffed monkey chew toy but loves the cat’s catnip mouse. He carries it around in his mouth. Kitty sniffed the catnip mouse once disdainfully and went to snuggle with the monkey. But really she just wants to play in the cardboard box. It was a big hit all around. And happy birthday to Katie tomorrow!

Sweet Potato (and Optional Leftovers) Stew

One of my go-to's. Super easy and takes care of everything sitting around in my kitchen that's about to go bad.

3 sweet potatoes, scrubbed and cubed
3 cups water
1 cup rice (uncooked or leftover)
1 cup leftover beans (optional)
1 green pepper (optional)
1 carrot, sliced (optional, pretty much put in whatever vegetables you have)
1 large onion, cubed
2 medium tomatoes, cubed
2 cloves garlic
1 bouillon cube
1 tsp crushed red pepper or red chili powder
¼ tsp salt, or to taste
Pepper to taste

Boil sweet potatoes, rice, and beans until sweet potatoes are half-softened. Add remaining ingredients and boil uncovered until sweet potatoes and rice are cooked. Continue to boil down stew until desired consistency (may stir in a tablespoon of flour to help it along). Serve with toast (not optional!).

Dumb Things My Students Write on Tests and Papers

On a getting-to-know you Q&A assignment:
Question – “What do you like to do in your free time?”
Answer – “I am fine, how are you?”

Various Biology exams:
Q – “Name two characteristics of mammals”
A – “1. Medium, 2. Size”

Q – “What is the natural diet of a dog?”
A – “Nsima.”

Q – “Marasmus is another name for the deficiency disease called _________.”
A – “Photosynthesis” (actual answer is starvation)

Q – “List three differences between lipids and carbohydrates.”
A – “Lipids is not a food.”

True or False:
Q1 – “Nsima has all the nutrients we need to have a balanced diet”
A – “Energy”
A – “Force”
A – “True”
A – “Two”
A – “Carbohydrates”

Q2 – “A child does not need protein in his or her diet”
A – “Sunlight vegetables”

Q – “Name one food source where you can find the mineral you named in question 26A”
A – “Banana is found in mulanje”
A – “It can be found in PUFF”

Q – ‘Explain three ways in which glucose is used by the plant”
A – “1. Plant are used by hoe and axes, 2. Clearing the land, 3. Lipid”

Fill in the Blank:

1. Blood flows through the heart millions of times before being pumped to the body.

2. Repeated attacks by flowers causes permanent blockage of lymph vessels.